As girls, talking about relationships that we have with certain friends can be a bit of a touchy subject, so I’ll be sure to tread lightly. This is the painful truth: how to recognize and let go of friends who drain your energy.
Life’s Already Hard — Are They Making It Harder?
That question hits hard, doesn’t it? And if you’re dealing with this kind of friend, you feel it deep.
Think back to the beginning of your friendship with that specific person (or people) you have in mind. Did it feel this hard back then? Did you have to try so much? Weren’t you at ease—carefree, even? If so, where has that ease gone? Why is there tension now?
-Yes, things change—people grow, environments shift, feelings evolve, we gain responsibilities—but true friendship adapts and withstands those changes.
A good, close friend is someone you can do anything with—or talk to about anything—without fear of judgment. Someone who loves you and roots for you, even when you’re not around.
When you lose that in a friend (among other things), is when you can see the switch in your friendship(s): friends who drain your energy.
Friends who drain your energy make your life harder because they add stress to your life that may already have plenty. When your friend starts feeling like a source of stress instead of a source of peace—that’s when you need to open your eyes to the painful truth.
How Do You Feel When You’re Not With Them?
If being apart from them brings you relief- if your energy and joy come back when they’re not around– it’s probably time to let that friend go. When you’re not with a true friend, you should miss them. You should be excited to talk to them, to catch up, to just “yap.” Instead, you dread the next encounter?
No, absolutely not, that’s not your friend.
When you have amazing friends, you cherish your time with them. You replay funny moments in your head when they’re away. You value their presence in your life. So ask yourself: what value is gained from someone making your life miserable? Someone who cannot even look into your eyes with kindness, love, and sincerity?
Because it is not kind to treat an undeserving person carelessly.
It is not loving to bring unnecessary stress and decay into someone’s life.
And it is not sincere to use and deplete someone of their resources and energy.
You should enjoy your own company—but if the only time you feel peace and joy is when you’re without that friend, it’s time to face it: the painful truth.
How Do You Feel When You’re With Them?
Friends who drain your energy can leave you feeling completely exhausted— mentally, emotionally, even physically.
And unless you just ran a marathon, why on earth are you that tired?
But you have been running a marathon—a mental one.
It’s intense, just being in their presence feels like a challenge, an obstacle you need to overcome. When did your friend become an opponent?
It’s true that the time spent with your friends will not always be sunshine and rainbows because at the end of the day, life happens. You may experience a break up, death in the family, financial hardship, lose your sense of self, long for that sense of self, etc., but your friends are there to comfort you and lift you up, not weigh you down.
If you’re constantly pouring into your friend’s life but receiving nothing in return, that imbalance will deplete you.
Friends who drain your energy may be depleting you everyday by coming to you and asking for something from you without ever doing or giving anything. They might not always be asking for help, but they may come with so much drama—often drama they’ve caused—that you feel obligated to defend them. Why? Because they’re your friend & because you might be afraid of the fallout if you stop.
You’ve lost the peace in the friendship, and now you are drained.
Letting Go
Remember that you are not alone in this world, and this person is not all you have. If all you have are friends who drain your energy- then truly, you have nothing.
She (or he) may have meant the world to you, but what do you mean to them?
- Something that they can walk all over?
- Something that is only there for when they need something?
- Something that can love them deeply, without them having to love you back them same?
- Something they dump their problems on, without ever offering support in return?
- Something they bring unnecessary drama to instead of peace?
- Something they envy, and try to drain because you have what they lack?
Something? And not someone?
Someone that is deserving of their love, time, mutual effort, safety, comfort, and peace?
Open your eyes and face the painful truth: it’s time to let that friend go.
A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth.
-Sirach 6:14-15
